Years ago, I woke up in the morning and had this song playing in my head…very randomly. I hadn´t heard it in yeears. The thing is, I only had the melody in my head. It makes me go crazy when I have a song stuck in my ear, but I have no lyrics to hold onto to look it up.
So I was mumbling it in my head over and over again hoping some words will pop up from some corner of my brain. Mhm when I nanana mhm this mmmh it the lalala ach shit what is it!!
And then suddenly……broookenheeearted.. I googled and googled and then finally found the title of the song.
And I suddenly remember how I´ve been feeling lately that time.
Like in movies: Sad situation = sad music, people in action = action music. Very simple.
Well, what happened in my movie? Betrayal? Loss of a lover?
Well, no…there was no prince who I was madly in love with and now it´s all over and my heart is broken in thousand pieces.. forever and ever.
Why then did I relate to the lyrics?
Because I FELT like a brokenhearted. whatever that actually really means.
Now years later I see that we all can suffer from some sort of heartbreak.
„Heartbreak is what happens when love is lost“.1
Think about being in love. It doesn´t matter if you have been or not, we all have experienced it in some way or another and it doesn´t always have to be a person, it can be a moment that was so perfect, you forgot everything around you including all of your problems.
We are filled with love in that moment, we are filled with love from that person. And suddenly nothing else matters. Well how was that again?….. All you need is love?
We are brokenhearted, because we know there is more to love, because we have experienced it somehow before and now we´ve lost it, we don´t have it anymore, it´s gone. And even if we haven´t experienced it so far, we can still feel like as if we´ve lost it, because we see it in the world. We see that it´s possible. We can grasp how love can feel like. And knowing that „it“ is somewhere „out there“, but not within us, makes us to brokenhearted.
How does `love´ work anyway? Is loving ourselves not enough? Do we really need it from the outside aswell?
Experiencing love means to be able to receive and give love. If we can´t do that, we feel like something is missing. We don´t feel whole.
Imagine a typical heart split in the middle. Is there anything missing? Is a piece gone? No. It´s all there. Both sides just have to find there way to each other again. But it´s still all in you, as it always was and will.
But often we don´t know how to love. We are too afraid to. Because what happens if you do?
You risk being broken hard (maybe again). And that fucking hurts.
But you know what hurts too? Staying a little broken. All. the. fucking. time.
You receive no love, give no love, at least not really. It´s kind of happening but on a level where you wonder if you are actually able of feeling love. Because deep down you know it is supposed to feel different. When you truly love, you´ll know it.
So what do you chose? Risk getting hurt so much that your heart breaks in two or three? Or keeping a distance, because the image of getting brokenhearted is more painful than never experiencing love at its core at all?
Loving is a courageous act. We all want love, but we are often not willing to pay the price for it. Love is always uncertain. You never know if you will be loved back or in the way you would want to. It´s one of the heardest things to do. And this goes beyond romantic love.
We have to risk standing alone, we have to risk no one liking us. And we have to be okay with that, because in fact… you are not suddenly more alone than you were before. You are still completely the same, – with an experience more: You dared to love.
So aaaactually there is nothing to fear. Take your heart out of the cage and let it play a bit. Yes it will fall, it will get cuts and get hurt and cry, but didn´t we all when we were kids?
After a long day of playing and getting hurt, we all came home exhausted but happy and fulfilled while our mum is gently taking care of our wounds and cuts we got during that day.
We need to create the same safe and loving space for our own hearts when they come home, especially if something is as painful as being broken.
1: A beautiful quote from Brené Browns book „Rising Strong“.